Jackanory II

NEW BALLS PLEASE or WAIT A MINUTE MR POSTMAN

Over the years there have been many stories about our exploits as a family and also about our outings with our dear friends, the Clarke's, from Cambridge.

The are many amusing tales of woe, mis-fortune and things that could only happen in a black & white silent movies starring the Keystone Cops.

However the stories that seem to bring the most joy to others involve two small hairy friends of mine! So I thought what better than to show case all their adventures in one 'posting' ha ha!

Where does one start?

Sheffield Park Garden: The Scene of Two Unwarranted and Unprovoked Instances of Animal Cruelty. How can a place of such beauty be the venue of such flagrant cruelty I hear you ask? How... ! Let me tell you.

Incident One: Involved a day trip to SPG with the Cambridge Crew and a friend of Sian's. As is our want on such trips we tend to, in true hobbit tradition, eat, walk, eat again, walk some more, have tea & cake and then head for home via restaurant where we will stop and have supper.

On this particular visit, having had luncheon we want for a walk round the gardens. This was a visit in May/June time as we had gone to see the Azaleas and Rhododendrons.

Whilst admiring the wonderful blooms I was following Lindsay along the path when the next thing I know I am laying on the ground, seeing stars not flowers and a lump or two in my throat!

One of the specially trained RN Commando posts at SPG on special field manoeuvres ,
you can see the rest of the patrol in the back ground(just)

I had walked slap bang in to a post that had 'just come out of nowhere'. Now, I often read of others misfortune and snigger, especially when I read things like "it was only his pride that was hurt" - well let me tell you it was more than my pride that was hurt. I felt sick for ages afterwards and very dull ache in places where such things should not exist.

Incident Two: Now this incident involves a pair of shorts (remember the shorts oh best beloved) and an ice cream.
On another visit to SPG at Rhododendron time, and being a very warm late spring/early summer afternoon we decided that we would treat ourselves to an ice cream.

We sat by one of the ornamental lakes to partake of the purchased iced confections. On performing that very simple task of sitting I heard an unfriendly sound come from the centre seam of my shorts. A ripping tearing sound. Now due to my seated position and the decision of left and right sides of my shorts deciding to divorce themselves I was in rather an exposed situation. Vis-A-Vis. I was displaying to the world that which should be kept very securely in side undershorts. Trying to adjust my dress but also 'cover' my embarrassment I invited my son to come and join me whilst he ate his iced confection, and in fact sit a short way in front of me with his back to me whilst I sorted myself out. He of course did this without question or argument!!! (not). By the time he actually accepted my invitation the structural integrity of my ice-cream had began to break down.

I was therefore trying to use an uncooperative child as a screen whilst I preserved what little decency I could still muster holding a rapidly melting ice cream. It was at this point Daniel decided he'd had enough and got up and walked off. Far from being able to rescue the situation I had enlarged the rip in the seam of the shorts and had been unable to locate the leg of said undershorts. Just when things could not have got any worse, they did. My Ice Cream had obviously come to the conclusion that as it had failed spectacularly to entice me to eat it, what was it's purpose in life, and it chose that moment to end it all by leaping acrobatically out of the cone that was supporting it, and landing in my very exposed lap.

You will be pleased to know that I did manage to affect a simple repair to the shorts and to retrieve the missing portion of under short. However my two friends had to be treated for severe shock and mild hypothermia.

In know I said at the start of this blog entry that I was going to detail all the stories about my little friends but this is bringing back some very painful memories so I will do these a few at a time I think!

Enjoy!

(c) 2004 & 2007 - Paul Jefford